When to Share: Weighing pros and cons of sharing

1. You no longer have to pretend or hide who you are. Instead, you feel like you can be yourself around family and friends. 

"When I finally made up my mind to stop pretending. In that moment, such an enormous weight fell off my shoulders. Because you can finally stop being who you ought to be. Instead, you can be who you are."

2. You may feel truly accepted for who you are by the important people in your life. 

“… blessed to have such lovely people around … care enough about me not to be bothered by my weird quirks and funny ways … ”

3. It opens up the opportunity for them to understand you better. This can strengthen and improve your relationships. 

“… he [husband] got really into researching it … it’s really improved our relationship because he’s realised now that a lot of the arguments we had were me misunderstanding what he’d said and him misunderstanding how I’d reacted.”

4. They can help you and support you in situations where you need it.

“… he’ll [husband] now take the lead in situations where he knows I’m not comfortable, whereas before he just thought I was being awkward.”

5. You may feel empowered by educating your family and friends and combating stigma.

“To educate others and break down stigmas, how I’ve learnt to come to terms with it.”

1. You may feel let down by unhelpful, dismissive or patronising reactions. 

“… when I told my dad … he was … ‘You don’t have autism, you’re perfect. There’s nothing wrong with you’.”

2. You may encounter family members or friends who are not accepting and supportive. This can cause negative changes in your relationships.

“… the implication … I was automatically wrong, because I had this Asperger’s thing … So that was unexpected, and I had to walk away.”

3. You may be asked personal or intrusive questions that you are not prepared or want to answer. 

1. People may understand your working style better and give you more flexibility to work in the way that suits you best. 

“From the moment I disclosed my autism to my supervisor, he was able to understand me better… he had the patience to allow me to work on my thesis in peace and quiet, at my own pace.”

2. It can reduce the stress of having to hide your autism diagnosis or autistic identity. This might improve your mental health and wellbeing.

“I feel able to mask a little less and live more authentically, which is good for the well-being.”

3. To ensure your personal safety and legal protections. (See Information on Legal Rights)

“I think disclosure is important, because it has meant that I have the protections that go along with the Equalities Act. That is 100% absolutely crucial in my situation.”

4. To gain reasonable adjustments that can help you to better manage your work or studies.

“The decision was taken so as not to have any problems. Now no one asks me to go down the night before for meetings. They are organised to allow for early morning travel.”

5. To gauge whether the environment is a right fit for you.

"I used disclosing as a way of working out whether a job was for me. If potential employers reacted negatively to me disclosing my autism, how would they react to me asking for help with something or having a meltdown?’’

6. You may help to improve autism awareness and acceptance in your institution more generally.

‘‘I used the disclosure of my diagnosis to improve the place for our autistic students and to provide autism training and support to other staff.’’

1. People might see you and treat you differently after you disclose, including questioning your competence, abilities or work ethic. 

“It was like seeing someone’s estimation of me drop like a stone… they go from treating me like a peer to patronising me in the space of a heartbeat.”

2. People might not believe you if you do not fit their preconceptions of an autistic person. 

“I fear rejection and not being believed and the impact of that invalidation of my identity.”

3. People might judge you based on false stereotypes.

“People might judge me before they know me, by assuming I fit a stereotype of Asperger's that they've seen portrayed in the media.” 

4. People might focus on your autism instead of other aspects you want them to focus on. 

“I had been to job interviews where they knew about my diagnosis and spent all their time focused on that and not on me as if my only feature or personality or work was my autism.”

5. You might face bullying and discrimination.

“I’ve opened up… and told someone that I have ASD, and they’ve bullied me about it.”

6. It might not be necessary or relevant to the particular task. 

“It’s a small piece of work, not very intense, and I don’t see a reason to disclose. It’s not worth the effort.”

1. To help them understand you better so they can provide better services or support. 

“To help them understand me and hopefully treat me more objectively.” 

2. To explain to providers about autism-related differences that may affect the way you interact with them. This can help them not to misinterpret things you say or do, and communicate with you better. 

“To explain difference. That my communication style is not a case of suspicious behaviour or guilt.”

3. To get reasonable adjustments or support made so you can access services in the way that you need it to be provided.

“I always disclose to ask for extra support and to request reasonable adjustments.”

4. If you don’t have a formal autism diagnosis yet and you want to get one, your healthcare provider may be able to refer you for one.

1. Some providers may not understand what autism is or what it means to be autistic, so it may not change the way they interact with you. 

“Because … it will just be ignored the same as the past.” 

2. The provider may overestimate or underestimate your abilities, and misjudge you based on false myths, e.g., that all autistic people are intellectually disabled. 

“They think you’re mentally ill and/or stupid. I want to be taken seriously.”

3. Some providers may not believe you are autistic if you do not fit into their preconceptions of what autistic people are like.

“... a medical doctor on a hospital ward refused to believe my autism diagnosis... it was a frustrating and an invalidating experience.”

4. It just may not seem relevant or necessary to do so at the time.  

“I don’t necessarily think it’s going to be a guaranteed solution, I would do it if I think it’s relevant.”